just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
