If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
