Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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