Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
