She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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