you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
