the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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