Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
