I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
