Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
