Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
