sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
