Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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