Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
