Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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