So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The beer is more important than you right now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
