Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
