i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
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