he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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