We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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