The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
