So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
