yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
