hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
