sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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