Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
