party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
