i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think your dad took our porno
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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