I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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