He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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