No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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