His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
