You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
