...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
