Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
