Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
