sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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