it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
