Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
