You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
