Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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