You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
