apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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