I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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