Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
