did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
