this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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