Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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