I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
