So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
well you can't waste a boner
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
