we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
