I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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