just come out here and I will go home with you...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
