He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
