ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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