does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
