yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
