Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
