Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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